Thursday March 9, 2006 6:00 PM MST Well it is 9 AM in Taiwan. Will this be the day? Will we finally get our call? Or maybe tomorrow will bring our long awaited phone call. It seems like so long ago that God whispered in my ear and I looked at the photos of the adorable little boy known as Shih Chieh, who is now going to be known as Jacob Andrew Chieh. Our sweet little boy. He is getting so big. He has many teeth now, he is walking and standing and possibly even babbling and we are missing it all. It is times like this that I wish Wyoming had a lottery adn taht we could hit it big. If we did I would fly over to Taiwan now and stay there until we got our official court approval. But alas no lotto so I have to wait. I do have happy news to share though. My good friend Nicole got her call today. They are going to pick up little Landon Shan-Fang on April 10th! Yeah! I could not believe it when I saw the message this morning. She e-mailed me personally earlier in the morning and didn't have anything to share, just our usual chatter. Then a couple hours later there was a message to one of our groups that she got the call. I really think I may have heard her screams of delight from Florida all the way over here in Wyoming! I just wish we would get our call! Her documents went to Taiwan on January 4th I believe and ours went on November 14th. Of course though we got the judge who takes longer then most, just our luck. I actually told Jared when our docuemnts went over that we would probalby get him. But as Jared said "so what, it won't hurt anything" and daddy said "at least he is through." So I guess it is all ok and I just have to keep learning patience. It is just not one of my favorite virtues adn it is a bitter pill to swallow! I am so ready to have that boy in my arms! I now fully believe that the last baby that we lost was indeed a boy and he was brought to us to pave the way to Jacob. All through the beginnings of our adoption thought that we wanted a girl and planned fully on requesting a girl, doesnt' that sound funny? Of cousre though we were open to anyone under 2-years-old as I would like to have a newborn infant or young one but I also like the toddler stage. Well then I saw Jacob's big brown eyes looking back at me and that waas it. My heart truly melted seeing him for the first time and realizing that God has placed that image in front of me for a reason. WHen I showed Jared the photos something clicked for him too. We actually didn't talk about it until later. But somehow we just knew deep in our hearts taht this was who our child was and we knew it had been planned long before we knew. Maybe even before we were born or maybe not until after we me. The longer I am alive the more I believe in fate. I think taht we can try as hard as we dare to avoid it but ultimately fate steps in and steers us in the right direction. Well that is all for this chapter. Back to waiting patiently for the phone call that never comes. Saturday March 4, 2006 7:30 PM MST Well still no news but Jared and I are still greatly relived to hear that our final decree should be coming anytime now! He has had a severe case of nesting today. We moved the credenza and Sally's tank downstairs to the living room and put the tall fish tank upstairs on Jared's new reloading table. Sally is now in the tall fish tank and the fish are now in what was her tank. Jared built a table last weekend out of 2x6 and 2x4's and let me stain it. He mounted his reloader for shotgun shells on it and the reloader for rifle shells on there. Now he just needs to get the rest of the goodies for the rifle shells, a tumbler and scale and I don't remember what else. He has turned what was my office into his office and shares with Ariel. We are going to put the love seat up in that room, so I can read and be comfy while he is messing with his guns. Then my rocking chair which is up there will come downstairs adn the doll cabinet from Grandma Gwen (Dan's mom) will come out of Jacob's room and downstiars to the livingroom. So still some more rearranging needs to be done and it gives us something to do while we wait. And of course makes the rooms a little more toddler friendly! We shall see what this upcoming week brings in terms of news. Now to just get through the week if there is no news and onto the next one. I am finding more and more patience in the last few weeks and the wait is easier at times but incredibly painful at other times. Of course though it is all to help prepare us for parenting! Monday February 27, 2006 10:00 PM MST Yeah! Finally some news! I contacted our coordinator via e-mail today and she was able to confirm that there is nothing wrong with our case. I was beginning to have all kinds of horrible thoughts, maybe our documents were lost, maybe the judge didn't like us, maybe I don't know. She also said that St. Lucy's is hoping that we get a final decree in the next few weeks, so we may even possibly have a first decree-I just realized that! They think that we may even travel in March, most likely the 4th or 5th week with the 3 week wait that they usually give. So needless to say I am beginning to freak out! The thought of parenthood around the corner is just a big deal! I cannot believe that after almost 7 years of marriage Jared and I will finally have a litlte one in our arms. We will finally hear the pitter patter of little feet of a non-furry little person. Not that we don't love the dogs and cats anymore just it will be fun to be parents to someone who can speak to us! So tomorrow I am going to repack our suitcases. I am going to scan our travel lists again and make sure we are only taking the necessities! I am so excited but also so nervous. I have read a few books already on parenting and on attachment but now with it all coming to a close I am nervous about Jacob's adjustment. I hope that he likes us and that we can earn his trust early on. Of course though there is no sense in worrying too much about things to come as we won't really know what to do until he is here and we see what works for our family. Ok now I also need to find my house in teh next few days! So much housework to do to get ready for the little man. Well now back to trying not to worry so much! Saturday February 25, 2006 8:00 PM MST Ok so I cannot count. It has been 16 weeks since our documents arrived in Taiwan and 15 weeks since our documents reached the courts. So according to all the timelines I have seen we should be hearing something any time soon! So that is all for today. Now onto waiting some more. Saturday February 25, 2006 4:45 PM MST Well another day, another dollar. I worked in the Care Center today which helped the time pass but I was asked by at least 10 people if there was any news. And some even asked if Jacob was here yet. I saw most of these people on Wednesday so I don't know if they thought that I had wen to Taiwan on Wednesday night and came back yesterday or if it just didn't register. I feel bad thinking this, but I am so tired of people asking all the time! I truly understand how pregnant ladies feel in those last few months when everyone is giving them advice and asking why they haven't had that baby yet, etc. I do want to share some days but just not all the time. Of course the worst of all is that one of my co-workers has said to me several times "how do you stand the wait" It reminds me so much of when Jared and I were in IF treatment and I worked with a nurse who had 3 children by 2 different men and who was with her 3rd husband at that time. She kept saying "just relax, go on vacataion, you'll get pregnant then." I finally started snapping back at her and said "what my ovaries are going to know I am on vacation and just work?" She then recovered quite quickly and said that I just didn't need to think about it so much. This while she knew that I was taking medication, going to Denver to have an ultrasound to see if my ovaries were working and timing our love life to try to make it all work and result in a baby. I learned then and remind myself now, pretty regluarly never open your mouth on a subject unless you have lived through it. I realize that much of the things that people say are just human nature and you just don't always think before you speak. So I just smile and nod and want to bawl inside my head but I put up a good front. I just cannot wait until Jacob is in my arms. I am told that all the pain of waiting will melt away once he is! So back to the wait. It will be 15 weeks on Monday since our documents went back to Taiwan and 14 weeks in the courts. According to all the timelines I have the general time in court is 2-4 months from start to finish so we have got to be getting close! I am hoping the call comes this upcoming week. We will have to postpone travel, most likely, while my dad is on-call for work or will leave on Monday and arrive on Tuesday and get the boy that day. We'll just have to wait and see. I just cannot wait to see this little peanut in person! He has gotten so big in the short time we have been watching and his little face and eyes just show so much personality! I don't konw if he is talking yet or making any squeaks but they will be music to our ears! Now to just find some peace in our wait. I just have to keep my trust in God and remember that this is all on his timing and not ours! Please keep us in your prayers! Sunday February 19, 2006 4:00 PM MST Well today we had a money tree shower at church and it went even better then we could have hoped! We raised almost $500 from our church family. There are a few more checks in teh church office that I will go pick up tomorrow if I am able and I am not sure how much is there. So righ now we have about $1200 set aside for our travel, that is one plane ticket and gas money for the drive to Colorado and possibly back home. Now to just keep pushing on. The wait is getting to both Jared and I. We are so ready to go! I am figuring that we are going to travel around the first part of April, maybe the last week of March or maybe later. I have given up on guessing for the most part as I am disappointed when my guess comes and goes. Of course though with our extra time we are studying up on the possible difficulties that Jacob may have with moving from a noisy orphanage to the quietness of our house and meeting the dogs and cats as well as the horses at Aunt Liz and Uncle Rob's house. We just have to go with the flow. Now to just continue waiting for that phone to ring with the news that we are waiting on. Well I truly feel that we are parents now as we are waiting just as everyone does when waiting for a child to enter the world through the biological way and there is no guessing when they will come out either. Well I will continue to work on patience this week and someday I may find it. Friday February 17, 2006 4:00 PM MST And the wait continues. So onto another weekend of waiting. Sally, the translator is here in teh US to help celebrate Chinese New Year in Utah with our agency. So I am thinking that this means no news until at least late next week if not even later then that. This waiting stuff is torture! But I did find some hope today. I received this in an e-mail from one of my groups. Little Spirit to Childless Couple Just helping you, Mom and Dad, to develop A trait you'll need to survive: Patience - I guarantee you'll need it Once I arrive. by Carol Lynn Pearson It helped put things in perspective at least for a few moments. My only sanity right now is konwing that two of my fellow group members have been in the courts since October so November 14th doesn't seem that far off now. And of course looking at our timeline we are not even at the year mark yet from start to finsih for our adoption. Of course if it took until September for Jacob to come home I woud start screaming now and probably have to go to the looney bin for some heavy duty sedation! So I am sitting here trying to find some more patience. If anyone has some extra please send it my way! On a bright note the church nursery is all repainted. I was helped by a wonderful fellow church goer. We really enjoyed painting all day last Thursday and I helped her yesterday afternoon. The nursery was a very nice green, pale green, but it was time for some updating. Also the bathroom connected to the nursery was Pepto Bismal pink, stunning in its day I am sure but needed toning down! We chose a nice tan-yellow color that warmed up the room. I will post some pictures sometime soon. It was kind of nice paining a nursery as it helped me get rid of some of my need to nest. As Jacob's room has been painted since September of 2004 adn the wallboarder is up also I couldn't paint that room so this helped. Of course I do get to regularly go up and pack and unpack his bag. I am so afraid that he is going to outgrow all of his beautiful outfits! It is really not likely as he is still to small for the majority of them but at the rate we are going I feel as if I should order his cap adn gown to take with us to pick him up. I guess as long as he is not shaving when we go there I will be ok. Well back to waiting some more. I am reassured by many who have gone down this particular path that the kiddos do come home and the wait is worth it and of course the pain of waiting goes away the minute that baby is in your arms. By do I hope they are right! Monday February 13, 2006 4:00 PM MST Well another day another dollar. No phone call yet. Not that I really expected to hear anything today but it has now been 13 weeks since our documents made it to Taiwan. It is now 7 AM in Taiwan. I imagine Jacob may be waking up from a nice restful sleep, or maybe he is still in dreamland. I do hope that he knows how much we love him and that the nannies have given him the blanket I sent over a few weeks ago. I had to send it via USPS due to the cost, with Fed Ex it would have cost over $70 for a blanket and onesie so I took the cheap but trickier route. The wait is beginning to really get to me, I don't konw why for sure. Maybe it is because Jared and I were so sure we would be called last week with Chinese New Year being done. But alas no phone calls and no updates on the court situation. Of course we are not the only famliy in line and there is at least one family who has been there a week or two longer then we have using the same agency and same orphanage. This has to be the one drawback to St. Lucy's. They are an older instutiion and have less staff then the other orphanage, Cathwel, that our agency uses, so they have less chance to pass on word until all is done. But I keep telling myself that the call will come when the time is right. I just have to keep trusting in God's timing and forget my own! If I was on my time I would already be in Taiwan, but I kmonw there is a reason for the delay. Of course maybe it is so that we have a term pregnancy here. AFter all Jared and I are pregnant on paper. Our suspicions started in August with teh home study and were confirmed when the oprhanage gave us pre-approval. So that gets us to April or May, of course Jacob may come out a little early and make his debut in March, which would be just fine with us! Well time to stop feeling sorry for myself and continue on with some of hte little projects I have going, like laundry and dishes and some basic home remodeling. For those following our journey please keep us in your thoughts and prayers! Saturday February 11, 2006 9:15 AM MST Well no news this week. That was a bummer as I had this strong feeling that we would hear something, anything! That is the one drawback of using St Lucy's. They do not disclose any hearing information until it is all said and done. So I guess that the fat lady has not sang yet as it is not over. However, after visitng with many others (via the e-mail) most feel that our hearing has been done and that we are just in the final stages. I am hopeful that maybe our fist decree has been issued and that stalls everythign for 10 days while everyone is notified (birthfamily, orphanage, government). So here we sit and wait. Maybe our first decree came out before Chinese New Year so hopefully the final decree is on the way. Laura said that once we get our final decree it genearlly takes around 3 weeks to get an AIT appointment (where we get Jacob's Visa and Passport). So that being said we could potentially travel 2-3 weeks after "the call" comes in. So in order to keep busy I have been doing some travel related thinking lately. I have figured out the best travel timeline for us to maximize time with family in Colorado while getting a taste of Taiwan. I also made out a a carryon assignment list yesterday at work. I had nothing to do but sit there in case I was needed so that is what I did. Fridays are genearlly like that, slow. But of course it will be made up for at some point in time when paperwork comes due and medication reminder sheets need to be printed off. It is so hard to sit here waiting for any word at all. I am just trying not to think about it but it alwasy pops into my mind. Of course the worst thing is when people ask how it is going and then make comments like "that must be so hard" or "how do you stand it" I just want to wring their well-meaning necks! Until they have walked a mile in my moccasins they have no idea. It reminds me so much of when Jared adn I were going through our infertilty treatments. Many well-meaning friends and family would say "just relax" "take a vacation" "don't worry about it". All this being said when I was taking potentially toxic medication (Clomid) in hopes of getting my body to cooperate and let loose of an egg. Then about a week after taking the last pill driving up to Denver 2-3 times in a week for a 10 minute appointment to check the progress of my body's cooperation (transvaginal ultrasound to check out my ovaries) to be told yes it is working or no you better come back in a few days to make sure. Then waiting for the ovulation predictor kit to come out positive and pray taht this time it worked out. Then sitting there on pins and needles while my guts were wrenching from the Glucophage (used to treat my condition, its a diabetic drug that does a number on your digestive system) and counting down the days until I could go in to get a blood test to confirm wheter or not I was pregnatn. Then we got to pray like never before that this one would stick. All of this of course transpired over less then 9 months but none the less once we got going with the big guns, Clomid, this is how our lives played out. Thankfully we only did 4 cycles of that when we called it quits and decided to take a break. Ultimately that led us to our new situation in Powell and eventually to adoption and Jacob. Now looking back I would not trade any of it for the world! I would not choose to forgo any single moment no matter how painful it was as it led Jared and I to our son. Of course it is kind of funny how familiar many of the emotions are lately. The waiting game is getting to us. Even Jared said to me last night "I'm just tired of waiting". That about broke my heart. He has been so strong for both of us and I konw that it is wearing on him. I am praying that this means that we are closer. All taht we can do is continue to pray for a speedy hearing and speedy decrees and of coures pray for funds to fall from teh sky! Acutally they practically have the last few weeks. At least with our ink cartridges. I am amazed at the generosity of people in our church, of course I know that it is free to them to bring in empty cartridges but it is something that they do not have to do. Also a money tree shower has been organized for us and will take place on next Sunday so Jared and I will share some of Jacob's photos and the little video we have of him from June with our church family. So many people are stepping up now wanting to help bring him home that it is so touching. It is funny how the people that you wouldn't suspect even cared are the ones that speak the loudest. Of course though we did not ask these people for money or even suggest to them that if they wanted to help they could. We were burned on that recently by a family member. So now we are even more careful. We have worked on fundraising over the past few months. I sold candles, cookie dough and teddy bears from some of those fundraising companies that the schools use and did ok, but even that was hard to do as I do not enjoy asking people for money even for a good cause. Thus the reason that I am really enjoying our inkjet cartridges. Its funny how you think that some people (mainly family) would be wanting to help however possible, or at least let you konw they are praying and the majority have not even acknowledged us yet people who I have met through my groups and my church family regularly let me konw they are praying, and of course the smaller side of my family has told us this also either directly for through mom and daddy. I guess it is just another testament to who really cares and who just doesn't really care for anyone but themselves. Oh well. I am old enough now to realize that I need to surround myself with loved ones who genuinely care about my feelings and interests adn will just leave the otehrs alone as that is the message tehy are conveying to me right now. I do thank God everyday for my blessings and family members who have taken an active interest in our adoption and let us know that they are praying for us. They konw who they are and I pray for blessings upon them as well as for those who have not acknowledged us for quite some time as maybe they just need some time. Well time to sit back and wait some more for word that is time to go get Jacob!Jared and I have plenty to do in order to prepare for him and now that we truly are in crunch time we really need to get going! The bathroom is calling our names! Jacob, hold on mommy and daddy are coming as fast as they can! You will be surrounded by love and are already. I pray that he can feel the love coming to him from Jared and I, his aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents, extended family adn friends all over the globe. Saturday February 4, 2006 4:00 PM MST Still no news, but of course SLC and the courts are still all closed. It is only Sunday there. I have begun the long arduous task of packing for Jared and I. I am trying to stay on teh lighter side of packing for this trip so that we have plenty of room for souveniers and gifts to put away for Jacob for special days--like 16th and 18th birthdays, high school graduation and any other things we think of. I also hope to get our family adn frineds who have been instrumental in our adoption a special gift of some kind. I have a list made up now to just get there and shop! I am strongly thinking now of trying to limit our time in Taiwan so that we can spend 2-3 days in Colorado and Jared and Jacob can have some time together with just the 3 of us before Jared has to go back to work. I will go on FMLA so my paycheck will be shorter then we are used to but the sacrifice is worth it to be wtih our son. Unfortunatly Jared's company does not give any kind of patenity leave. He can go on FMLA but his compnay only offers unpaid leave. My company will divide up my time off by however many weeks I am off and spread my paycehck out over that amount of time and preserve my insurance--a must in this day and age. I wish I did not have to be a working mom but at the same time I am kind of excited by the thought of balancing career and family. I have done pretty good at so far, for almost 7 years with Jared. It will be a challenge but Jacob will be under the care of our good friend Liz, who is an honorary aunt to boot. She pracitcally has a preschool at her day care center and I feel very comfortable with her watching Jacob as she has cared for our dogs when we had to leave unexpecdadely. We will find a way to make it work and Jared and I plan to maximize our time with Jacob to give him as much quatlity time as possible when we are together. Wow, how things change when you become a parent. A few years ago I would have not even been thinking about all of this, at least not at this level. Well now to just get through tomorrow and the next day and the next day and every day until that magical phone call comes in! Friday February 3, 2006 3:30 PM MST Oh boy. Another week gone. Thank goodness! This week has really been one of the longest since we started down the road towards Jacob. With the Chinese New Year in full swing this past week all the big and many little businesses were closed so there was no word at all. However, there is a light at teh end of the tunnel. We will have had our documents in the courts for 12 weeks on Monday so we are in teh window for hearing the judges ruling. We are hoping that we hear something early in the week but there are no guarantees and it could even be later in the month before we hear anything. Of course Jared has a strong feeling that it will be next week and that we will travel before the end of the month. I don't know, I think it will be more like early to mid-March but he strongly feels it will be sooner. As he is usually right about these kind of things I will believe him but not get my hopes up too high! Of course there are many signs around us that I don't know if I am reading too much into it. For instance Grandma Kaye's (daddy's mom) birthday is coming up on the 22nd of this month, when I saw that on the calender I thought "wouldn't it be neat if we left that day". Then I blew it off. But just what if? As Jared and I will leave the day befroe we fly out since it is a 7 hour drive to Fort Morgan we will most likley leave on a Wednesday (22nd is a Wednesday). But alas only time will tell. We have finally chose a hotel, important to do before leaving a big trip like this! We will be staying at the Dong Wu, it has a wonderful breakfast buffet--helps save $$$ so then we only have to find lunch and supper. ONe of the families who traveled before us stayed there and hit up the 7-11 for lunch--chips, hot dogs, etc. So that is a definite thing to keep in the back of our minds. Jared and I flipped thrhough the tour book the other night and Daddy got one too and we all 3 had picked out many of the same sites to see while in Taiwan. One thing we are definilty hitting is the Taiwan zoo. I sure it is very similar to zoos in America but it will be neat to say that we went to the zoo adn a good way to bond wtih our little man. I have his suitcase pretty much ready to go but have not even started packing for Jared and I. However, I think I will start tossing things up there just in case. I have most of our overnight bag stuff ready to go as we keep that bag packed most of the time with small bottles of shampoo and such. I also have a bag ready to go with medicines we may need-exciting things like Benadryl and Dramaine, have to toss the Tylenol and Advil in there as tehy are hard to come by in Taiwan. I also have the baby's meds ready to go--Benadryl, Tylenol, Motrin, Triaminic--I am ready for almost anything he throws at us and don't really want to go to 7-11 at 1 AM to ask for baby Tylenol! I have also packed a few little books adn toys for him. I have his bag ready to go to Grandma's house also as we will stay in Colorado for a few days when we get back from Taiwan to recuperate before our long drive home. We also will have a homecoming party for Jacob so that our friends and family there will be able to meet him and give their blessings to him. We are getting so excited, in case you can't tell! Of course we are nervous also. I have never flown over the ocean, well for that matter neither has Daddy or Jared. I hate flying so that thought of a 15 hour flight where almost all you see is water is nauseating to me. However, to get to my son I would walk across fire, I would crawl on broken glass. I will fly to him and fly home with him and eveyrone please pray taht I do not try to jump out of the airplane half-way there! I also pray that Jared has the strength to calmly hold my hand and reassure me that it is ok, just as he has during many other important but stressful moments in our marraige and life together! I cannot wait to lay eyes on my son! I cannot wait to pick him up in my arms and to smell his sweet baby smell and hear his laugh. I cannot wait to hand him to my husbnad and say "here is your son" Something I have waited so long for and he has patiently waited beside me for this moment! Wow, I had no idea how emotional I would feel about this but even as I sit here typing this I cannot believe how excited I feel! Now to just sit and patiently wait for that phone call! I praise God for his timing and for making us wait for this moment! Had everything been on my timing Jacob would have been here the day after we first laid eyes on him! But then I would not have met my wonderful friend Nicole (she lives in FLorida and her and her husband are adopting little Shan Fang, Jacob's friend). I also would not have met many other mommies on my groups who have been so helpful during our wait and given much advice on travel, parenting, and just reassuring those of us waiting that our time will come also! Ok back to the wait. Jacob, mommy and daddy are coming soon! I hope you are ready for us! Friday January 27, 2006 8:30 PM MST Well here we sit. Another week has gone by. Jared has gotten all of his part of the upstairs bathroom remodel done and has now let me start painting! My favorite home remodel project and it changes teh look of a room so much! As Nana Sand suggested we have gone with the ocean theme, specifically bright fish like in "Finding Nemo". We decided not to go with actual Nemo stuff and instead got some nondescript tropical fish, cheaper that way. Jacob will now have a bathroom that we hope he will love well into his teen years adn the grandparents will have a nice bathroom when they visit. We decided that while we were fixing things up in there we might as well make the shower usable so we put a tub surround up. Before that there was plastic, yes plastic, tile on the wall about 1/4 of the way up and the wall is not that nice sheet rock that you can get wet and dries out. So we decided that with a toddler coming who will splash the walls, celing and all other surfaces we put up the surround. We also changed the faucet and got one of those nice anti-scald showerheads--a nice safety measure that this mommy really likes! While we were at Home Depot we also upgraded our downstairs bathroom but that has not even been started on yet and Jared is pretty sure he will have little hands helping before we get that started. So back to his bathroom. We got a toilet seat taht has fish on it and is transparent blue/green. I'll post pictures once it is all done and put some before shots on there also. The walls are painted a blue/green sea color and we are still thinking of what to do with the drawer fronts--tired of the plain old varnish look so we are working on faux finishes. It feels nice getting more done for Jacob's arrival. We call it nesting and have been reassured by many other adoptive parents, both waiting on kiddos and with kiddos at home that this is normal. It makes us feel even more like parents! My tummy is not growing with our little guy, in fact Jared and I are slowly loosing weight, but our hearts grow a little more everyday with our love for Jacob! So now onto a serious topic. After receiving some disturbing comments via e-mail from a family member and promising my Grandma Daack taht I would not reply and stoop to that family members verbal attacks I figured I could journal about some of the points brought up. It was brought up that Jared and I will both continue to work and that is it terrible that Jacob will be in day care. On the contrary Jacob will be in day care with a good family friend of ours who trusts me with her children and I trust her with mine as well as my dogs and cats when we are out of town. For those of you taht konw Jared and I well you know that I am a worrywart when I am away from my "babies" and do not trust them with just anyone. In fact when we go to Taiwan Rob and Liz will keep track of the babies for us, ensuring everyone has food and water and that the dogs are put in at night and out in the morning. Liz practically has a preschool going, her current project is workign with the kids in her care on sign language and Spanish. Her youngest daugther is 8-months-older then Jacob and she has some others just a little older then him up to school age. We are not continuing to work full-time to buy designer clothes or new furniture but rather to continue on with our modest lifestyle. We both drive older vehicles, not that old but not brand new either. We bought our vehicles with the understanding that they would be around for the long haul and so we bought the best we could afford and that would be compatible with a famliy and dogs. With my current position I work 24 hours a week in the assisted living facitliy attacehd to the hospital. I work 8 hours in the Care Center as a regular nurse. So I work 32 hours total. My position at the ALF is very flexible and I can go to work when it is convenient for me, but right now my schedule is 7:30-1:30 or sometimes 8-2 if I am running late. With this schedule Jacob will be in day care for about 6.5 hours a day 4 days a week and 8.5 or so hours one day a week. I am off on the weekends so we will have all weekend together. The reason I work 32 hours a week is becuase I have to have 64 hours in each pay period to qualify for health insurance (which right now runs us $150/2 weeks for Jared and I and I think it goes up to $180/2 weeks when we add Jacob). Jared's company insurance is terrible and does not include prescription beneifts, something we cannot live without so I have to maintain my work. Jared on the other hand works about 50 hours, give or take a week. His schedule keeps getting changed due to changes in teh economy in our area. He is now the yard foreman and really enjoys that. He spends most of his time outside in the yard loading trucks, taking deliveries out, working in the saw shop and keeping track of his "boys". His schedule has changed for the positive a few months ago as he no longer works on Sundays. So we are able to go to church every Sunday and have found a wonderful extended family in our church. He used to work every-other-Saturday but this last week the schedule changed so that the 3 primary yard people, Jared and 2 of the boys, will alternate Saturdays while the sales are down. Once business picks up again, most likely in the summer, he will resume his every-otehr-Saturday schedule. So he works 7-5:30 Monday through Friday, 7:30-5:30 on Saturdays, which is not every Saturday, and no Sundays. So every-other-weekend Daddy, Mommy and Jacob will have the whole weekend together to run wild. And in the evenings we will have our quality time, supper, bath time and bedtime will be very important for this family. Once Jacob is in school full-time, a few years away thank goodness, I am hoping to have the same schdule as I do now and I will be able to take him to school and pick him up so I will be able to help him with homework and to visit about his day before Daddy comes home. We love that my job is flexible and my boss is a surrogate aunt to Jacob who is just as excited as we are about Jacob's arrival. My residents are all excited about him, especially those in the ALF. My co-workers are all fabulous about it too, although I do get tired of the questions at times--when is he coming, why is it taking so long, blah, blah. I know everyone is just as excited as we are but at times I just don't want to think about it and it is hard to explain to them that Jared and I live this everyday and evey moment. We are growing more and more impatient with the wait but keep reminding ourselves that we are on God's time now and He will provide for us as He sees fit. We will be rewarded in parenting when the time is right. That is a bitter pill for me to swallow as I am not patient! We plan on maximizing our family time as much as possible. Yes in an ideal world one of us would stay home but that is just not feasible at this time and so we are adjusting things as we can. I am even planning on taking Jacob to work with me at the Heartland as much as possible, only time will tell how much taht will be. Who knows maybe some of the Grandmas and Grandpas will want him there all the time and then we will not need childcare at all, well at least only day a week. Only time will tell for sure though. Not that the person who wrote the e-mail will even read this but it does explain to those who may be interested or who may be judging Jared and I a little about our decisions in life. Of course my opinion is that you should not judge someone until you have been in their shoes and that the only judge that truly matters is God and he is the only one that we have to answer to about anything we choose in life. Oh and also just to clarify on our fundraising. If anyone that we have contacted feels that we are "soliciting" funds for our adoption expenses we want to apologize now for coming off that way. We in no way expect anyone to help us financially with any of our expenses. We discussed it at legnth with each other and with famliy members and decided it was best to let people know what we were doing and how they could help, if they so desired. We have complete faith that when the time comes the funds will be there, family help or not. God has led us to this adoption and he will show us the way financial wise, we just have to listen to what he tells us and do it! We felt that some family and friends may want to help financially or in other ways and if they did not know what kind of help we were in need of then they could not offer it up. We are also asking for assistance in the form of recycling inkjets, I have brought this up several times to many family members and we have had a positive response from a few of them and they have also shared our project with other famliy and friends in some cases. This is a free and easy way to assist us. All that is required is that people save, rather then throw away used inkjets from their printers. We are willing to send the collection materials to anyone and you just drop it in the envelope or box and ship it off at the company who recycles expense. That was not addressed at all by said family member, but then neither was our plea for prayers. But I digress. Ok so I feel much better now. I have honored my Grandma's wish and I have helped myself by doing what I do best, writing out my feelings. I am not sharing this with anyone who reads this for pity or to cause anger at family members, rather to get some clarification out there. Anyone that has a problem with anything that I write on this journal or elsewhere should take it up with me personally and not send it out to others who are not invovled at all. In the words of Forest Gump, "that's all I have to say about that." Now back to the waiting game. One thing for sure, Jared and I are learning patience a little more with each day that passes, ok so it is more me then him but he is helping me! We stood before God and our families almost 7 years ago and vowed to take care of each other in good times and bad and we have done that and continue to do so with each day. I thank God every day for bringing Jared and I together and for helping us to stregthen our marriage despite any troubles or turmoil that comes our way. We have been blessed beyond belief with our babies in heaven, our babies here at home (our dogs and cats and of course Sally the Salamander), our parents and other family members, our great friends that have helped us in times of joy and sorrow and of course our best blessing of all baby Jacob! We hope to be writing very soon with news that we will be traveling to offically meet our son and hope that those of you who have followed our journey thus far will continue on with us from that point onward! Saturday January 21, 2006 10:00 PM MST Well our little man is 15-months-old today. Another month older and we are one step closer to him then we were last month. Some days it feels as if time is dragging on adn that we will never go to Taiwan. Other days I look back and realize that it has only been since September that we have officially been on the road to Jacob and it really has not been that long of a time at all. That doesn't make me want any longer though! Jared and I are getting very excited about our upcoming trip as is my dad. We are all starting to look at travel information on the sites in Taiwan and figuring out the food and hotel information so that when the call we will have a few less things to think about. The nice thing is that we are traveling during the less expensive time of year to go to Asia. It is still not cheap but we won't have to pay the nearly $2,000 a seat that many other families have paid when going later in the year or during peak travel. There is so much to do to prepare for our trip but so much of it has to wait until we get the official call. That said I have started packing Jacob's suitcase. Of course I think I have repacked it at least 3 times now since November, but I keep chaninging my mind on what to take. The hardest thing is packing light, it is jutst not in my vocabulary! However, Jared and I have never traveled with toddler in tow, with carryons adn other luggage either. Thankfully all of our luggage is on wheels and piggybacks! I am gettin a lot of useful travel tips from other mommies and daddies who have already been to Taiwan and finding out things to not take or do. We have been told by many, many peole that Taiwan is very friendly and so we are not worried about the people. I am worried about the flight more then anything! The thought of being on a plane for over 12 hours is nauseating, thank goodness I can sleep on a plane. I am just nervous that I won't sleep though over being anxious about being united with our son! Also during the last week we have celebrated and prayed a great deal about Jacob's newest 2nd cousin. Kenny and Rachel, uncle Fred's step-son and daughter-in-law welcomed little Elijah William into the world about 3 months early. Mommy had some complications with very high blood pressures and the only way to stop them was to bring the little guy out. At his last weight he was up to 2 pounds 11 ounces, a few days ago, not on a respirator and doing really well. We were very happy to hear all of this, especially with my background as an OB nurse I konw many of the complications taht can come from coming out too early but this little guy is just defying the odds left and right. We will keep them all in our prayers and hope that the little guy gets to come home very soon so he can be showered with love by friends and famliy in good old West Paducah, they are up in St. Louis right now. And on another happy note my step-brother Jeromey, is expecting little Noah. He and his wife Amy are thrilled with their little guy already and they have to wait until May to meet him. So far her pregnancy has gone well, a worry as she is 30 and has never been pregnant so she will be prone to more health concerns then someone just a few years younger. Again this is where Lynne tries not to scare everyone with all the scary things that can happen. So far though everything has gone beatifully and Amy has had a nice pregnancy. We continue to keep them all in our prayers and pray for Noah's safe arrival in May. Not much else going on in the extended family, well not that we know of anyway. On Monday our docuements will have been in the courts in Taiwan for 10 weeks. Our agency does not anticpate us hearing anything until after Chinese New Year so sometime around the vicinity of February 6th. Of course there is not guarantee about that either, it could be later still. The most current rates of parents have shown it taking about 12 weeks start to finish in the courts so this is right in line with that. So now back to waiting. Of course at this point in time we are just praying for at least 2 weeks of notice before we have to travel! 4 weeks would be ideal but we will take 2 weeks. one of my coworkers said to me the other day "well what do you do? YOu have to have at least 4 weeks notice to get a decent airfare." I just looked at her and said "you just do waht you have to and buck it up and pay extra." It was just funny how she said it. I know that many of the people I work with and from our chruch are getting just as anxious as we are and they all worry in their own ways. It has been very comforting for us actually. With our family being in Colorado and Idaho it has been nice to have people locally checking in on us and sharing our joys and frustrations. Of course our famliy has been kept in the loop over the phone--thank goodness we have a good long distance plan and cell phones with free incoming minutes plus cell-to-cell! This has been a family wide project from the very beginning and we have been so happy to share it with those who care the most about us. Now to just continue our wait and hopefully in the next few weeks I will be updating this journal with our travel information on it and then shortly after that with our news of Jacob being in our arms! Well back to my nesting and cleaning extravaganza or maybe to bed. Oh and for those who are interested we will be watching the Bronco game tomorrow with our good friends. I am curious to see if Shanahan can get it together and help his team win this playoff game. It would be cool to see the Broncos win another Super Bowl, only time will tell.